On Being: A Doula

To the babies that chose me, thank you.

To the mothers that trusted their intuition + baby, thank you. 

To have developed that trust, not for a second do I take for granted.

It's been an honor to heal with you.


There’s this moment during every birthing process when mom digs down deep and reclaims her power. She stops looking for outside guidance and finds it within the conversation between her and baby. It’s in this very moment that she knows without a shadow of doubt that she is the one she’s been waiting for. She surrenders to the process by giving up control. It’s in this moment that baby has served highest purpose as a teacher inside the womb and begins to radiate presence earthside.
— Dr. Crystal Jones

There's nothing, and I mean nothing, like watching a woman become a mother. That moment when she comes into full surrender to the message and brings baby earthside is simply magical.  

Yes. I serve as a doula. 

Yes. I had absolutely NO idea that I would be a doula years ago.

Of all of the modalities of holding space, being a doula likely is the most intense. Not only is it a surrendering process for mom and baby. The process of what it does for the entire birthing team is astonishing. The baby chooses this amazing team to bring forth a message. And we ALL must adhere. We ALL give birth, obviously mom does so much more. 

Honestly, I wasn't much for being around babies. I didn't dislike them, rather, I clung to the mothers. But that's not really the journey that brought me here.

I was still in school doing what was necessary to earn my doctoral degree in chiropractic. Our second level clinic required us to bring outside people into the clinic for care. And so I went out and met people doing what I liked to do. I began noticing that many of the women that were attracted to the care that I shared had been told that they were infertile (these women were artists, high level executives, doctors, and established by cultural norms in many similar way). And we all know that truths of infertility -or anything of that matter - become engrained once we allow ourselves to believe them. As a student though, I would set goals with people based on the desired outcome. And then I would adjust them. Because I was a holistic wellness consultant and nutritionist before I had even considered chiropractic, I was well aware of how infertility was linked on physical, biochemical, emotional, and spiritual levels. I knew that consuming dairy, gluten and decomposing flesh were counterintuitive to their current desires. I knew that certain destructive cycles of emotional and spiritual battles often made the baby feel unsafe for the lesson s/he was here to impart. And through chiropractic school, I learned how that all manifested on a physical level and caused subluxation in the nervous system. All of these contributed greatly to the truth of infertility. 

So women came in and after years of trying, they began conceiving. This was the thing though, they didn't want to deliver with people that hadn't proven to be effective on their journeys. So one by one they'd ask me to be present during their birthing experience.

Me? Yes. They wanted me to hold space for their birthing process the way that I held space for their other healing processes. And so I obliged. I didn't know that I was being a doula then, I just knew that my office looked a little different than the chiropractic clinic that I had grown accustomed to. 

Birth after birth after birth, I found myself becoming more aware of why they kept asking me. I trusted them more than anyone else, something even more than they trusted themselves. It definitely wasn't because I had children or could give advice about how to push a human out of a vagina. They wanted the same person there that had been with them through what seemed like an impossibility - infertility. They just wanted me to be there and do the same thing that I always did, guide them to become so self aware that they began owning their power. Some would say to set the energetic vibration of the room - but they did that. 

That's all they wanted? Oh I can do that. I mean, I had taken an understanding of anatomy and the birthing process for over ten years but that's not what they wanted me for. They wanted me for my chosen path - to hold space for women in transition by effectively guiding them into their own power. And with that came some laughter and screaming and tears of joy - you know all the things you experience as a doula. 

Eventually, I realized that this was a thing and decided to get certified as a holistic doula by The Matrona. And what a beautiful experience that was learning from mom and baby centered guides. I learned from guides that actually believed that the mother knew what she was doing. While I had been serving in the capacity for some time, it was cool to experience it from another space. 

I don't believe in searching for the experience of truth, I tend to just embrace it. And with that embrace, I've been led on this path. But mostly to do what I've always done, serve as a guide for the healing process. Although I am certified in many modalities, they've all found me and I chose to be open to them because I, as a vessel, am always doing the same thing. 

8 babies later + 3 currently on the way, it's been such a beautiful experience to hold space for the birthing process in this way. 


To the babies that chose me, thank you.

To the mothers that trusted their intuition + baby, thank you. 

To have developed that trust, not for a second do I take for granted.

It's been an honor to heal with you.